Reaching For Better Than Normal
“The idea that what this country is going through shouldn’t have any effect on us—that we all should just feel OK all the time—that just doesn’t feel real to me. So I hope you all are allowing yourselves to feel whatever it is you’re feeling. I hope you’re listening to yourselves and taking a moment to reflect on everything that’s coming at us, and what you might be able to do about it.”
When Michelle Obama stated in the new, MICHELLE OBAMA PODCAST, that she was experiencing low-key depression, my initial reaction was fear, for her and for us. It is the panic that comes over you when the “strong” one in your friendship circle starts to show all sides of their humanity. She followed her statement with a post reassuring us that she is ok but really, are any of us ok? Being labeled “strong” in the middle of this pandemic is almost dehumanizing. Most of us are just floating, developing coping mechanisms, learning to push through, and learning what it really means to be resilient. Michelle Obama’s low-key depression is all of us.
What is the new normal now that the things that we have always taken for granted are gone, and many of our hopes and dreams seem out of reach? How are we supposed to keep pretending that everything is normal, that people aren’t dying around us, that every 8 minutes there isn’t a Covid related death. That unrelenting acts of racial injustice isn’t causing enormous damage to the lives and health of people of color. Yet, we are expected to keep smiling, keep working, keep telling our friends that everything ok, keep telling our kids that everything will be ok. Where do we find the strength, the resilience to keep pretending, to keep pushing down the anxiety. To keep keeping hope alive. Michelle Obama’s words remind us that it is ok to acknowledge our fears and live moment by moment. It is ok to acknowledge that 2020 opened society’s closet and disaster escaped, and that our constantly changing feelings of hope mixed with despair are valid.
As for the pandemic, this is a time to be a hero for ourselves, our neighbors and our country - resist making the pandemic political, fight against the hopelessness that comes with all the negative news stories, and take action; this is no time to be passive. Over 150,000 dead and counting; we may not say it; we may push it down but we are weeping inside. We all cope in different ways so let us give ourselves grace when we struggle. If we need to, hit the reset button and return to the proverbial Noah’s ark. Wear our masks, protect the elderly, protect the vulnerable and fight until Covid retreats. Love for each other and sacrifice is the cure that we need before we get to a vaccine; it is the way out of Covid hell and not just to normal, but a better normal. As we journey, if you find that all sides of your humanity are showing, give yourself grace; you are not alone.
When there is uncertainty in our lives or we are overwhelmed, a great place to start is to focus on what we know for sure. What we know for sure is that our current reality would be much improved if we would all be on one accord, and worked together to protect ourselves and our neighbors. Covid-19 has given our mission to love our neighbors as ourselves deeper and more urgent meaning. We wear a mask, social distance and suffer through varied levels of isolation, loneliness, and depression for the safety of our neighbors. Thanks to Michelle Obama for her honesty because it is empowering. She gets through her low moments by replenishing herself with what brings her joy, finding ways to stay healthy, and staying connected with good people. Many of us can do the same by creating small, stress-free rituals in our lives, such as:
Go for daily walks or bike rides.
Have dinner at the same time daily with family.
Read your favorite book or magazine before bed.
Play a game with our children(dominoes, spades, etc.).
Build daily positive affirmations into your morning routine. The best affirmations are the ones that you create based on your needs but I have attached a few below.
Call parents or a friend every afternoon to check in.
Practice a simple mindfulness routine - pause, get into any comfortable pose, breathe, feel your breath flowing through your body, feel the tension leaving your body, be thankful for the moment.
There is no judgment; adopt any ritual that makes room for self-care and peace.
Know that it is ok to acknowledge the positives. There have been so many deaths and job losses and dashed hopes and dreams that if anything good happens, we feel guilty about acknowledging our joys - more time with family, time to finally read or write that book, time to exercise or plant a garden.
We will get to the other side but when we do, we want to arrive wiser and healthier.
“My greatest hope is that we don’t just reach for normal, we reach for better.”
Janet is the author of Island Mindfulness: How to Use the Transformational Power of Mindfulness to Create an Abundant Life, Growing into Greatness with God: 7 Paths to Greatness for our Sons & Daughters, and Wild Heart, Peaceful Soul.
She is the Founder of The Island Mindfulness Path to Transformation, and CEO of Autherine Publishing. She is passionate about empowering women who are stressed, stuck or overwhelmed, to declutter their path, speak their truth, use stones as stepping stones, and claim an abundant life. Follow her journey on Instagram. Her books are available on Amazon.
